Before becoming a comedian, you spent over a decade working in retail. What’s the most annoying customer habit?
Oh god, there’s so many it’s hard to focus on just one! Apart from people just being rude here and there, I used to sell shoes so there would be a wall full of 60 shoes and people would stand about 5-metres away from the wall and point to what could be one of 20 pairs of shoes and ask if they could try those on. Sometimes I’d just go and grab a random pair of shoes in their size and when they would tell me they aren’t the right ones I’d apologise politely and tell them my telepathy is off today.

When did you first realise you had a knack for making people laugh?
I was thinking about this the other day actually, it goes back to primary school. I was always happy to be the idiot in front of my school friends and make them laugh. Somewhere along the way, probably before I was even ten years old, I said I wanted to be a comedian even though I didn’t fully understand what that meant. It wasn’t until I started doing comedy in my mid-20s that it all kind of dawned on me, I’m a comedian. I don’t know if I had a gift for it but I certainly enjoyed making people laugh.

Take us back to your first comedy gig – how were you feeling as you stepped out on to the stage?
It was in Melbourne and I remember this guy telling me they record all of the performances, I’ve not seen that footage in 14-years and I’m not prepared to look at it. The first show was actually pretty good, if it was bad I might not have had the confidence to keep going. The second show was horrific but by that stage it was too late to quit. I just remember being very nervous and it was this slight out of body experience where the idea of time was completely stretched and I had no idea if I had been on-stage for 30-seconds or 20-minutes. I’m much better at that now.

What happened at the second show?
I thought I knew what I was doing and forgot my material, I just stood there for the entire set just mumbling ums and ahs. It was horrific. Now I forget my material but I’m prepared to just let it flow but back then I had nothing to fall back on, no experience. If I forget something now I’ll just talk to the crowd.

If you could give that guy just starting out some advice, what would it be?
Ironically, given I am about to give advice, don’t take advice from too many people. The only thing I have going for me and the reason I am vaguely employed is because I always did my own thing. I did the kind of comedy I would like to see done. You can’t really learn how to do comedy, you just have to get on stage and do it.

You’re coming to the Gold Coast for the Melbourne International Comedy Festival Roadshow, can you give us a hint as to what audiences can expect? Are there any overarching themes you can divulge?
I might reveal some retail stories that involve subliminal offensive swearing, even though it’s a well-worn topic, I’ll talk about my take on ladies and gentlemen in relationships, just done in a very bizarre David Quirk kind of way. Basically, it will be 20-minutes of pure, blinding brilliance. A dazzling display of talent.

Your shows can be incredibly personal at times, is there anything about your life that you won’t bring to the stage or is it all fair game?
I think everything is fair game but funnily enough, of all of the things I’ve talked about, and I’ve talked about some really confronting stuff in the last ten years, I’m actually a bit weird about talking about masturbation for some reason. That embarrasses me. Even though everyone else will talk about it, that’s the one thing I feel a bit weird about.

How do you go about gathering material to create a new show?
All I do is participate in life and report back. Sometimes I just sit and ponder something but in general I just leave the house and see what happens in the world. I have a friend who writes one-liners and he will sit in front of his toaster for example and think okay what’s funny about toasters. I can’t really do that.

What are some of the perks and pitfalls of being a comedian?
What I love and also find sad about comedy is that it is very solo, you’re on your own on stage and sometimes you’re on your own touring but that’s good as well because you’ve got pure freedom. Sometimes when you’re on TV it’s censored in some way but in comedy you’re free to do whatever you want and that excites me. If you say something that’s a bit wrong or offensive then it’s up to you to take responsibility for that so at least it’s a fair exchange between you and the audience.

You’ve previously done a couple of shows with Sam Simmons, what was that experience like?
Sam and I have known each other for a long time now and I’m laughing just thinking about it because he’s insane and I love him and he thinks I’m a dick head and he loves me. We’re like bothers, we fight but really we love each other. He’s been kind enough to put me in his crazy world of comedy.

Do your friends and family always appreciate your hilarity?
No! My dad is 70-years old, he’s a gentleman and he doesn’t joke or talk about sex and I do a lot, except for masturbation. He once said to me “I quite like that dry humour that you do.” I think that was the best compliment he could give, that was his way of saying “You’re good.”

What inspires you?
I get inspired by really amazing high-quality stand-up, which I don’t see enough of. I get inspired by music, rock ‘n’ roll inspires me, Prince inspires me. I get inspired by the act of skateboarding.

In your mind, is there anyone on the scene at the moment who is doing high quality stand-up comedy?
Yes, I think Sam Simmons is brilliant. Lawrence Mooney is great. I was just in America doing gigs over there and I think Jen Kirkman is fantastic. There’s so many brilliant people, even though I just said there’s not enough.

Finally, any words to live by?
Oh wow, these are good questions. You would think I would have a good quote, but I don’t. What about, go vegan! I’m very passionate about being vegan. Actually that is another thing that inspires me, people that have chosen to think about the impact of their diet and lifestyle on other creatures apart from human beings.