The Weekend Series: NSFW food-porn videos to get you hot under the collar

Your pits are sweaty, willpower weak, breathing is heavy, there’s a rumble in your belly already, you’re craving spaghetti. You go home and find your laptop, open an incognito window and start cruising for some salivation-inducing videos in an attempt to sate your voracious appetite. Videos of melting cheese fill the screen, images of full doughnuts oozing gooey Nutella, pastries are pulled apart, burgers are piled high, ingredients are stuffed into other ingredients and the meat – oh, the meat! There’s nothing wrong with looking at a little bit of food porn – everyone does it. We’ve picked some particularly steamy food porn videos to ogle – just make sure no one else is around before you click play.

The best egg sandwich
Have you ever cut into a poached egg and wished you recorded the majesty of the yolk spill so you could watch it over and over again during your alone time? Oh boy, we certainly have. Experimenting is a great away to discover new kitchen kinks, and early birds should take advantage of the morning hours by getting their kicks with this spin on a brekkie sambo by Almazan Kitchen. This beauty boasts everything you could possibly want to wake up to – eggs, bacon and cheese. Throw in a hash brown and we’d probably never eat anything else again! If you like your eggs yolky, you’ll get off on this gooey dose of food porn.
Image: Almazan Kitchen


$120 Philly cheesesteak
Food porn is a way to indulge in our wildest culinary fantasies – typically meals we couldn’t afford, wouldn’t have time to cook or stomach space to eat. This video is a perfect example of edible escapism. Barclay Prime is a restaurant in Philadelphia that has taken the working man’s sub and given it a gourmet-yet-ritzy interpretation. The sandwich features sizzling Japanese wagyu beef served with truffle ends and foie gras and then smothered and draped in a layer of moray sauce comprised of truffles and cheese. Though we can only afford to indulge in cuisine like this in our dreams, they are dreams well worth having.


Mega Oreo
The lunatics at Epic Meal Time made food porn popular before food porn was even a thing. These crass lads consistently push the envelope when it comes to kitchen creation and to be honest the stuff they get up to when the heat is on is almost criminal. Just about any of this YouTube channel’s videos will leave you out of breath, but for today we’ve decided to show off this devious delicacy – the Mega Oreo. Imagine you had an Oreo the size and girth of a car tyre and you’ve got a rough idea of what you are dealing with. Pure insanity.


Pizza-stuffed garlic bread
It’s not food porn if there isn’t a bit of a mess involved. This wondrous video will probably remain in your Internet history for some time for the sheer cheese pull factor alone. If you like pizza and garlic bread (who doesn’t?) and have always dreamed of combining the two somehow then this video from Twisted Food (even the channel’s name sounds naughty) will show you how to get it done. Allow Homer Simpson to convey our emotions on this one.


The ultimate cheese sandwich
Have you heard of ASMR? It stands for autonomous sensory meridian response, which in layman’s terms is that tingly feeling you get when you see or hear some stimuli that is pleasurable. The sound of rain, a soft whisper, a light touch, the sound of crackling bacon – if you get goose bumps from such things, you’ve experienced ASMR. This video tutorial on how to make the ultimate cheese sandwich from Almazan Kitchen (damn, Almazan – back at it again with the food porn.) toes the line between cooking lesson and audio erotica delicately, with the sizzle of bacon, the frying of shallots and the bubbling of cheese filling your ears. As if that wasn’t enough, the visuals are enough to make anyone blush. We’re so entranced we can barely type – just watch it, you’ll see what we mean.

Honourable mentions: There ain’t no food porn like homemade food porn, and there’s a bloke in Brisbane putting us all to shame in the ogle-worthy meal stakes. Local chef Leon Haslip blew us away with his contributions to the 2016 EAT/drink Awards Food Porn category, and his Instagram account is a must-follow. There are some excellent videos that just missed out on making our top five, so in the spirit of sharing the love we also suggest you check out these videos on S’mores Nutellasagna, saucy cheesecake bars, some seriously cool cocktail porn and a three cheese exploding burger.

The Stumble Guide is our comprehensive Brisbane dining guide with more than 1800 places to eat, drink, shop and play.

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